The Humble I

In perhaps its deepest look at sorrow, endurance and hope, the Qur’an tells us in the bittersweet story of the Prophet Jacob and his immense grief over the loss of Joseph; peace be upon them both:

And he turned away from them saying: ‘How great is my grief for Joseph!’ And his eyes turned white [with tears] from the grief-stricken anguish he was suppressing. They said: ‘By Allah! Will you not cease to think of Joseph until your health is ruined, or you die?’ He said: ‘I complain of my grief and my sorrow only to Allah.’ [Q.12:84-6]

Earlier on in the story, when he is told of the loss of his son Joseph, Jacob says: ‘For me, beautiful patience [is most fitting]. Allah is He whose help is sought [to bear such loss] of which you speak.’ [Q.12:18]

While much classical commentary has been written about this deeply moving saga, let me offer a few short reflections on grief and loss. I must confess, however, that these offerings are not any profound meditations on human sorrowing. In fact, in most cases my reflections will probably just state the obvious:

REFLECTIONS ON JACOB’S GRIEF

1 – The first thing to note is that the Qur’an does not deny grief, or even try to minimise it. Instead, it shows a Prophet experiencing prolonged heartbreak, while still remaining anchored to faith and fulfilling his prophetic calling. In other words, Jacob, peace be upon him, was inwardly grieving while outwardly functioning.

2 – Grief does not necessary negate faith, nor even diminish it. Jacob wept so intensely that: his eyes turned white from grief-stricken anguish. The Qur’an presents this without criticism; not as weakness of faith, nor as lack of trust in Allah.

3 – Jacob, upon whom be peace, said: ‘I complain of my grief and my sorrow only to Allah.’ Thus he turned towards Allah with his pain, rather than away from Him. And he complained about his heart-brokenness to Allah without complaining about Allah.

4 – In the story, we note that twice Jacob speaks of ṣabr jamīl — ‘beautiful patience.’ [Q.12:18, 83] patience does not mean pretending not to hurt. Rather, it means carrying the pain without bitterness or despair. Patience, in other words, is not emotional numbness.

5 – Even after years, the Prophet Jacob tells his sons: ‘Never give up hope of Allah’s mercy. Truly, no one despairs of Allah’s mercy except those who have no faith’ [Q.12:87] The Qur’an is reminding us that hope can survive long periods of loss, and that  despair is spiritually more dangerous than grief or sorrow itself.

6 – Jacob’s grief reflects the depth of his love for Yusuf, upon both be peace. The reality is that loss hurts in proportion to attachment, and that the pain itself can testify to the value of the relationship. Love, in other words, leaves its traces.

7 – Despite his sorrow and anguish, the Prophet Jacob continued guiding his family, and calling to the monotheism (tawhid) of his grandfather, Abraham; peace be upon them both. So the lesson is not: ‘move on,’ but rather: continue living and functioning, while carrying remembrance.

8 – Not every answer comes immediately. Jacob lived for years (some have said for two decades or more) without any clarity about his son, or reunion with him. The story teaches us endurance in the presence of unresolved suffering; something that many grieving people face.

9 – In Jacob’s life, reunion eventually came. In our life, restoration cannot mean reversal of death, nor may it mean reunion with a loved one. It may instead mean inner healing, wisdom, softened hearts and deeper faith. Or it may mean reunion in the Hereafter. Allah may restore in ways unseen, or inspire us with acceptance, the gift of deeper spiritual growth, and greater closeness to Him.

10 – In short, for many people sorrowing; for souls that bear the pains of grief, the life of Jacob offers permission to mourn fully while refusing to surrender hope or give up on living.

♦

رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ

‘My Lord, I am indeed in dire need of whatever good you send down upon me.’ [Q.28:24]